Not Giving Someone Your All Isn’t Selfish - It’s Wise

Not Giving Someone Your All Isn’t Selfish - It’s Wise

Knowing that I can't solely rely on the very person who undeniably makes me happy for my happiness is a tough pill to swallow. Whether it be my boo, family, friends, and or co-workers. It is important for me to accept this fact for the sake of my emotional, spiritual, mental being, and my being as a whole. People are unpredictable and situations change. Since I want to be happy no matter how things unfold, I have learned how to swallow that pill by not giving individuals my all. And by that I mean:  

All my love:

Self -confidence: Who I am isn't shaped by criticism or praise from anybody. I know who I am and who I aint. (And, yes, I used "ain't" but that ain't the point). What I'm capable of and not capable of. This self confidence  allows me to eradicate insecurity fear, and to be modest. 

Self- worth: I have something within me that no one in this world can give me or permeate through. We all do. If a person can't respect that then its, adios amiga/o.

Self-Respect: Over time I've created certain social and moral boundaries that I'm not going to let anybody or even myself cross.

Self - happiness: What makes me happy isn't solely contingent upon what an individual can/can't do for me, but what I can do for myself.

Self- Commitment: Individuals honoring their commitments to me is admirable but what I found to be more gratifying is me honoring my commitments to myself. 

And all those other "self things" that I should be able to give myself whether I'm in a relationship or not. If I become too dependent on seeking those "selfs" I listed above from a person I'd be relying on them to give me everything and if that person leaves then so does whatever I rely on them for.  

"Never fall in love to the point of losing control of yourself. If you do, you will become somebody's else's slave and that experience will surely take advantage of you and cause you to lose your best character." - Marcus Garvey


Before I can love others adequately, I've got to love my own self properly. Word to Dr. King.

When I give to myself it's easier for me to give it others. Although we're all different I'm able to see the next person as myself. An individual who wants to be unconditionally loved, respected, and admired by someone from a very sincere place in their heart. I hope. 

Another thing I've learned not to give all a person is:  

All My Time:

I need and want time to myself a lot. That’s just me. Being alone allows me assess myself to become a better person, not only for myself but for the people around me as well. "Me time" also gives me the opportunity to figure out what's working and what is not working interpersonally, and to see things from the outside after being on the inside some much. I can't do this being under a person all day. Maybe you can. Can you? 

Spending time with an individual and the people I love is fulfilling, but at the same when I'm around a person all day everyday I believe the mystique of them gets lost. I love the feeling of missing a person.  

Although I believe that you never stop discovering a person, it's just something about being around them all the time that becomes banal at a certain point. What do you think that is? If you think that's a thing at all.


I'm not saying that I have one foot in and one foot out when I'm dealing with people. I'm all in, but with a balance. Making sure I'm aligned with myself first because it’s paramount, and just in case the next person decides to become unaligned. 

Besides giving a person your all does not guarantee that they will stay or be satisfied anyway, so why not have some you left over for you if all else fails?

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