Have You Recognized That Other Side of You?
I have this friend that annoys me A LOT. This friend is annoying to me because he always nitpicks at something I like, do, or say. He does it so much that I know what he's going to nitpick about before I even come in contact with him. Sometimes I mentally prepare slick comebacks for him. That gets tiring after a while though.
At this point when he does it I just don't say anything. I just want him to hear himself, because most of his nitpicking is pointless and trivial.
When a person says something stupid to you or about you. Don't say anything just look at them. Let them feel as stupid as they sound.
It throws them off. Trust me.
As much as he annoys me this is the same friend that possess a particular quality that I find admirable. I like how he's sensitive to the needs of others. He gives with no hesitation, and is always concerned with well being of other people - it almost seems second nature to him. That's a quality that I hope to fully master. I'm working on it.
There are days when I try my hardest to avoid him. Some days I'm successful and some days I'm not because I feel guilty. I realized that him nitpicking is just another aspect of who he is (that I hope he some day grow out of), and I shouldn't let that overshadow what I admire about him or let that define the totality of who he is.
I have a dichotomy about me as well. I'm selfish.
I hear that more than I like to from those closes to me. On the flip side I also get told that I am sweet person. That lets me know that my selfishness doesn't overshadow who I am at heart. So what gives me the right to let the negative overshadow another person? When I was initially told that I was selfish I swiftly shot it down (who wants hear that they're selfish?) but after some introspection I had to come to a hard conclusion that I am selfish.
That introspection taught me that:
I'm not selfish for the sake of being selfish, though. All of my twenty something years living this life, it's just been ME (outside of God). Over the course of my life, on my own, I've had to build my confidence up, motivate and learn how to truly love myself, work hard for every dime, come up with ways to survive, figure out how this life thing as a whole work, and so on. It has not been easy, but I'm making it and doing pretty darn good.
Am I complaining or crying about it? No. For me, it's just the thought of giving myself or something to another person who's probably not going to appreciate me and whatever I give as much as I do. I've put in a lot of blood, sweat, and tears just to have someone treat me or what I have to give nonchalantly.
I'm not speaking out of fear but experience. Perhaps it's a mixture of both...hmm.
So when I'm in a position that requires to me to give, I don't do it easily and so freely. I want to though. That's why I admire how my annoying friend gives without even thinking - at least that's what it seems like.
I'm not rationalizing my selfishness. Okay, I'm lying, yes I am. Just a little though. I just want you to understand that there's a reason why myself and others are the way that they are. Like Afeni Shakur said, "It's important to know where your "stuff" comes from." Does it make it right? No, duh! It does, however, in my opinion make that person easier to understand and to be more patient with it.
I'm not quite sure why my friend nitpicks the way he does. I've seen him do it to others as well. I don't think it's out of spite or maybe it is. Maybe he can't help himself, or he gets it from someone in his family? I don't know. It's still not enough for me to not consider him a friend, or find him admirable - no matter how annoying he is.
Whether you know it or not. Just like my selfish self and my annoying friend, you too, have a side of you people may not be too fond of.
You know that bad attitude of yours people deal with, but still be want to be around you anyway? When you’re dishonest, procrastinate, be annoying, arrogant, prideful, don't communicate, inconsiderate, and so on? Yeah that side.
If you haven’t already, recognize that "other side" of you. Take time to figure out and understand where your "stuff" comes from, accept it, work on it and grow out of it. Give others that same opportunity as well because we are here to help strengthen each other shortcomings.
You are not obligated to be around any person that disrespects you, belittles you, be hurtful towards you, or anything along those lines just because they have a quality or qualities about them that you admire. Don't tolerate that from NOBODY. Especially if they are not willing to change.
I'm just saying before you write someone off totally give them a chance, don't neglect the "And." Especially If the good outweighs the "bad" then why not?
Larry Sanders explains what I’m saying perfectly below 1:41 - 1:55 :